Life

Song for this post: Blurry by Puddle of Mudd

Okay... my last post was actually for fun. It was just to give a positive initial impression about me ... if it actually worked.

As you can see, I mostly describe my life as AWESOME, but it is actually not. My life is never awesome, as how i said it in my last post. I try but it never happens...

Life is usually described as a roller coaster ride. "It has its ups and downs."
My life contradicts that saying... it either goes down or just straight forward. There are never ups. There have been loads of times in my life that actually prove my point. My life was getting better in Hungary. Things were going swell and great. I started adapting to the country. I met new people, new friends. I actually loved that life, but then I had to move back to Malaysia. And... I had to start over. The next thing was in college. Things were getting better in college(for me), but there was a sudden change. Everything turned against me. It happened in a blink of an eye, but the downhill track lasted like forever... And recently.... the dikir barat(a malay traditional thing) competition. I didn't even want to start with that....
The way I would describe life is that "It is like a maze." You have choices to make and you have to take risks. It also sometimes just lead you without you controlling your life. I recently encountered a dilemma. Either to take the risk or not. Not taking the risk would mean that things would be the same. And taking the risk means that you either will have a positive outcome or even a negative one.... I chose to take the risk... but... it wasn't the wise choice... as the outcome wasn't positive at all...

But that wasn't the only thing that bothers me...
The other thing is... Friends
YES... Friends

People say, "Friends are forever."
I reply, "I wish..."
I strongly disagree with that saying... friends aren't forever. In my experience, they usually just remember you when they see you or see a picture/video of you. There's even some that don't even remember you or your name doesn't even ring a bell to them. What's the point of being friends when they only remember you when reminded. That's not true friends... that's just faking.

What kind of friend are you:
-if your friend invites you to visit them, but you give them every excuses you can think of?
-if you are asked if you wanted to hang out, u said u would, but then turns up late, then you say you don't want to go, after one to two hours late?
-if you are invited to come over to your friend's house, you decline saying you have family plans, but actually you are going to another friend's house which was decided last minute?
Are you the friend above???

I certainly know I'm not. When invited, asked to go somewhere, I try my best to make their plan work, but if it isn't manageable, I would be honest and give a valid reason. I remember all my friends, all the past memories, all the time I had with them, everything, even when not reminded. I always wonder if they would message me, start a conversation to me on msn, send an email or even leave a small post on facebook. But no. It's usually me that has to do everything. I have start to the conversation, send the first email, send the first wall post, and text message. I usually write a whole paragraph, give or take, But the replies aren't satisfying. Sometimes there isn't even a reply. The reply message/email would be the shortest message they could possibly write. I would even be lucky if it was 3 sentences long. *Sigh* Don't let me start with the back stabbers... I've encountered them a lot. Even the closest friend I had can become one. But I'm glad that was the past. Now there's new ones showing up. What a great time eh? *Sigh*

I have no idea why all this is happening to me. If it is a punishment from Allah, then I want to ask for forgiveness... all the bad things I've done in the past... I ask for sympathy...

I hope this holiday will help me put myself together. I've been under a lot of stress lately and things we're going out of hand. I felt like I "getting off the roller coaster ride" but thank God I didn't.

As for you readers, I hope your life wouldn't be as bad as mine....
Enjoy it while you can...

Labels: friends, life